Fancy a chuckleworthy sci-fi adventure? Well the Space Truckers are on their way and they will be with you before Christmas.
It’s a series I began some years ago, and I’m revamping them into longer tales, but still packing the same chaotic humour.
Grenlon Garamine and Bazill Beatel (known to all and sundry as Gren and BB) are the owners and operators of a 10,000 ton space lugger, The Chuckling Pig. They go all over the local galactic quadrant delivering whatever they’re carrying to the planets of the Commonwealth. And inevitably, they find trouble, if only because, like any self-respecting trucker, they pull every dodge and fiddle known to man, and a few which they invented.
They are attended by their faithful servobot, Mekkano, a sort of dustbin on antigrav pads, who serves as an engineer/cook/domestic/defender, catering for their every whim. Unfortunately, the last time Mekkano was serviced, Gren, The Pig’s nominal skipper, ripped off the engineer who got his own back by screwing up Mekkano’s verbal responses. Mekkano still obeys his masters, but whenever he is given an order or asked a question, he returns a tirade of verbal abuse.
With this in mind, here then is a short scene from A Kairfree Christmas, which will be with you very soon.
It’s Christmas and The Chuckling Pig has touched down on Veldor, luxury world of the quadrant, where, after unloading the ship, Gren and BB will spend the holidays.
Gren clapped his hands together like a trader about to offer a deal. “Right. How’s about we mosey on over to the truckstop, grab a bite of breakfast, put the tin can on charge,” he gestured at Mekkano busily sweeping the floor, “and then we can wander down to the beach for a couple of hours?”
“Sounds like a plan to me,” BB agreed. “I’ll just get my beach gear.”
As he left the cockpit, Gren looked down at Mekkano’s squat figure now running a duster over BB’s console. “He has beach gear?”
“It is incumbent on the muscular master to bare his biceps for the booby-full babes of the beach in an effort to coerce conjunction with them,” Mekkano declared without pausing in his dusting. “It is by such frolicking fornication, oh furtive father figure, that the master BB seeks to ensure the continuation of the human species, by spreading his succulent seed around the spaceports of the galactic quadrant.”
Gren’s eyebrows shot up. “Where did you get all that from?”
“Your diary, tubby tosspot.”
“You’ve read my diary?” Gren almost exploded. “That’s supposed to be private.”
“Why then did you dictate it to me to store in my long-term memory, mercurial mindless one?”
Gren said nothing. Mekkano had a habit of asking questions almost as awkward as those the Militia posed. “Just shut up and get on with your cleaning.”
“Shutting up and getting on, chubby chump.”
And there’s plenty more where that came from. A Kairfree Christmas Space Truckers #1, will be released early in December.